Smartphones and tablets are seemingly characterized by their apps. Looking at a person’s phone is almost like looking into their souls. You can see their likes, dislikes, and personalities. Even though developers are a creative bunch of people, there are still ideas they’re missing out on.
When we go to somewhere like Argos to splurge and buy iPads, we want to jazz our new gadgets up with something special. Recent redesigns of popular websites inspired us even more to get our thinking caps on. Here are eight of the apps we think should exist (and any developers should take a few hints).
1. The Bathroom Checker
Do you share a bathroom at home or at work? If so, you’ve probably experienced the extreme annoyance at getting up and walking all the way there only to discover someone is already in there.
With responsive homes on the horizon in the next decade, why can’t we have a sensor which tells us when a bathroom is occupied? We could turn on our app and it would automatically tell us whether it’s being used or not.
And if we wanted to really push the boat out, we could have a smell sensor which tells us when it’s safe to go inside!
2. The Drunk Talker
We all do silly things when we’ve had a few more shots of whiskey than we really should have. The Drunk Talker app would allow us to ask our phones a question. It would turn on its speaker and would recognize our voices. Alternatively, we could type a query in.
In a practical sense, if you asked it whether it’s safe to drive after telling it you’ve had a series of double vodka shots it would tell you to walk home.
If we were a cynical bunch, and we are, we could even use it for less practical reasons. For example, if you have a bad habit of texting your ex when you’re drunk, The Drunk Talker would step in to give you a hand.
And if you’re too drunk to type anything into your phone you’ve already answered whatever question you were going to type. It might just save your life!
3. CCTV Watcher
We have over four million CCTV cameras in the UK. The government could plug that hole in its budget by allowing us to tune in to any security camera we like. If you wanted to see what’s going on in your city’s centre at night, you could. It’s like TV without the adverts and it could prove a hit.
4. Singleton Radar
Are you on the prowl and keep getting frustrated when you find out your target is already taken?
The Singleton Radar would use face recognition technology to find the person’s Facebook. It would find the person’s relationship status and tell you whether they’re a no go or fair game. It would save you hours of pretending to care about their day.
5. Film Truth Finder
Critics are idiots. They seem to love the films everyone else hates and shun the cult classics most people seem to like. It’s like they’re watching an entirely different film. Rather than relying on critics, the Film Truth Finder app would search for real customer reviews. It could plug into something like IMDB or Rotten Tomatoes and give you a rating for your chosen film.
The benefits of such an app are obvious. You don’t have to manually search for reviews and it enables you to avoid wasting your time on a film which nobody likes anyway. Pirates of the Caribbean 4: On Stranger Tides would be a prime example of this.
6. Bobby the Unpaid Tech Consultant
Our parents and people older still struggle with the new technology of today. Technology is moving faster than ever before. As soon as we discover something new, things seem to move on again. There’s nothing we can do about this, but we can help people find the answers for themselves.
This is where Bobby the Unpaid Tech Consultant comes in. Bobby will answer all your questions by linking directly with Google and a number of major technology tutorial websites. All your parents have to do is type or speak into the phone and Bobby will come up with the answers!
7. What Does That Mean?
We have digital dictionaries we can access on the go, but we don’t have anything which we can use to reference little jokes and puns which appear in regular conversation. If you don’t understand pop culture, or you only understand the pop culture references of ten years ago, now you don’t have to carry on with your fake laughs anymore.
This app would allow you to instantly search for the relevant pop culture reference. When it inevitably comes up again in the next hour, you can laugh louder than anyone else.
Social media is a steaming cess pool of absolute rubbish. You might be listening to the passive aggressive status updates of your bitchy friend in the club. Alternatively, you might be tuning in to another funny joke which really isn’t funny. You can join in with everything and feel part of the crowd.
The iCrap app would automatically generate some form of witticism or joke you can crank out on Facebook or Twitter. You’ll look like the reincarnation of George Carlin when you introduce your online friends to your Special K brand of creative humour…but we know the truth.
It’s unlikely these apps will be available anytime soon. We can live in hope, though.