Last Updated on September 6, 2024
Euphemisms, sometimes also known as doublespeak, are words or phrases that are used to describe negative people, things, or situations in a way that the description doesn’t sound too negative.
Euphemisms are intended to make a bad situation look less offensive and a bit tolerable, or outright hilarious. Most people use these phrases when they’re trying to avoid taking a direct responsibility for an action.
The following is a list of the top 100 inherently funny euphemisms you probably haven’t heard of.
100 English Euphemisms
1. A bit worse for wear – Drink.
2. A little thin on top – Bald.
3. Adult beverages – Hard drinks like beer and wine.
4. Adult content – Pornography.
5. Adult entertainment – Media content that contains some sexually explicit material.
6. American murder log – Alligators.
7. Arm knee – Elbow.
8. Armed intervention – Military attack.
9. Backed up worse than the Hoover Dam – Be constipated.
10. Be economical with the truth – Tell a lie.
11. Be made redundant – Be fired.
12. Be on a gardening leave – Unemployed.
13. Be put to sleep – Euthanized.
14. Be shooting blanks – Sterile.
15. Be wearing your apron high – Pregnant.
16. Between jobs – Unemployed.
17. Big boned – Fat.
18. Body flower – Cemetery.
19. Break wind – Fart.
20. Built for comfort, not for speed – Fat.
21. Butt table – Chair.
22. Change into your brown trousers – To suddenly empty your bowels out of fear.
23. Chronologically challenged – Late.
24. Clone the mammoth – Make futile efforts.
25. Collateral damage – Accidental death.
26. Comfort woman – Prostitute.
27. Commit a terminological inexactitude – Tell a lie.
28. Compressed horse – A pony.
29. Correctional facility – Prison.
30. Cross over to the other side – Die.
31. Dinner spades – Utensils.
32. Do your business/Empty your bowels – Defecate.
33. Don the fedora – Temporarily step out of your fashion comfort zone.
34. Don’t suffer fools gladly – Be kind of rude.
35. Early retirement – Used to describe getting fired, especially for older people.
36. Earth sauce – Lava.
37. Economically depressed neighborhood – Slum.
38. Embarking on a journey of self-discovery – Jobless.
39. Engage in safe sex – Female masturbation.
40. Enhanced interrogation methods – Torture by the police during the investigations.
41. Ethnic cleansing – Genocide.
42. Financially challenged – Poor or broke.
43. Finger pants – Gloves.
44. Food rakes – Forks.
45. Friendly fire – When an action (especially military action), criticism, or statement accidentally targets a person on the friendly as opposed to opponent’s side.
46. Full and frank discussion – Drunk.
47. Genuine imitation leather – 100% virgin cheesy vinyl.
48. Get a career change – Be fired.
49. Get your leg over – Have sex.
50. Getting on – Growing old.
51. Good bad words – Euphemisms.
52. Hairy nope nope – Spider.
53. Help the police with investigations – Be tortured to tell the police what you know about a crime.
54. High from above – Used to describe a short dress or skirt.
55. Hire a Russian – Find someone else to deal with a pesky problem.
56. Horizontal gymnastics – Used to describe having sex.
57. Horizontally challenged – Fat.
58. Human raccoons – Younger siblings (especially brothers).
59. In between the ears and above the neck – Used to describe how intelligent a person is. For instance, you can say “He’s not very well-endowed in between the ears and above the neck.”
60. In the club – Pregnant.
61. Intellectually challenged – Stupid.
62. Intelligent ventilation points – The armholes in a piece of clothing.
63. Kick the bucket – Die.
64. Knocking shop – Brothel.
65. Leave a lot to be desired – Not good enough.
66. Leg wrist – Ankle.
67. Lose somebody – Have them die, especially when they were under your care.
68. Lose your lunch – Vomit.
69. Lose your marbles – Suffer a mental illness.
70. Making the bald man cry – Male masturbation.
71. Managing company stakeholders – Bribing.
72. Meet your maker – Die.
73. Negative patient outcome – Death.
74. Neutralized – (Of a geographical area) the army or police has killed people there.
75. Nose flavors – Smells.
76. Not the sharpest pencil in the box – Somewhat stupid.
77. Not up to scratch – Not good enough.
78. On the streets – Homeless.
79. One-eyed puff adder – The male genitals.
80. Over the hill and picking up speed – Old.
81. Partially proficient – Not very qualified.
82. Postmenopausal/Senior – Very old.
83. Pre-enjoyed vehicle – Used car.
84. Relocation center – Prison camp.
85. Restricted growth – Short.
86. Reverse floor – Ceiling.
87. Self-service – Masturbation.
88. Slithery tube dude – Snake.
89. Spend the penny/Squeeze the lemon – Use the washroom.
90. Stay on the tractor – Enjoy your post-retirement life.
91. Temporary negative cash flow – Broke.
92. Terminate a pregnancy – Abort.
93. Thatched ATM – The female genitals.
94. Tired and over-emotional – Drunk.
95. Turn a trick – Practice prostitution.
96. Turn to dust – Die.
97. Underperforming assets – Bad debts.
98. Vertically challenged – Short.
99. Well-fed – Fat.
100. Workforce imbalance correction – Retrenchment.
Wrap Up
As you shall find, most euphemisms aren’t too obvious. So, when using these words in any situation, the cardinal rule is to ensure that the other person can get the meaning.
