In the hustle and bustle of our daily lives, we often forget to take a step back and enjoy the simpler things life has to offer. This could include playing board games with your loved ones, going out for drinks, or even trying out some karaoke! The point is to make memories, establish bonds, and strengthen connections that will last a lifetime.
As great as the above sound, they take time and effort. In most cases, life doesn’t present you with the time. Hence, we are often presented with two choices: forcefully set aside time or find a less tasking substitute. One of the best substitutes for this is a concept as old as humanity itself: Jokes!
Jokes have been in existence for as long as I can remember. As such, the phenomenon has undergone many variations and adjustments. However, the concept has remained the same at its core: a simple string of words that uplift your mood in more ways than you could ever imagine. Be it through shared laughter or simply by viewing the delight on the faces of others, jokes truly bring people together.
Arguably, the trendiest and most hilarious joke category is blonde jokes. These jokes have been in existence since the 1700s. It all started when blonde French courtesan Rosalie Duthe was satirized for her habit of pausing for too long before speaking (which made her appear dumb). This stereotype transitioned over the years to depict women who were beautiful or desirable but unintelligent.
Considering the above, it didn’t come as a shock when people started coming up with jokes exaggerating the blonde stereotype. Over the years, these jokes have evolved to a “brunette Vs blonde” battle. It is also dubbed “looks Vs brains,” owing to the common misconception that all brunettes are more intelligent but less attractive than blondes.
Before we begin, please keep in mind that these jokes are light-hearted and only serve as a form of entertainment. Please don’t use them offensively as they are intended to bring people together, not the other way round.
Without further ado, here are some of the funniest blonde jokes you’d hear today!
- Blonde: “What does IDK mean?”
Brunette: “I don’t know.”
Blonde: “OMG, nobody does!”
- Why do blondes tiptoe past medicine cabinets?
So, they don’t wake up the sleeping pills.
- How do you keep a blonde busy?
Write “flip” on both sides of a sheet of paper.
- How do you keep a blonde in the shower all day?
Hand her a bottle of shampoo that says, “lather, rinse, repeat.”
- Why did the blonde get so excited about finishing a jigsaw puzzle in six months?
Because the box said, it was for “2 to 4 years.”
- What did the blonde say after glimpsing a box of Cheerios?
“OMG! Donut seeds!”
- What’s every blonde’s dream in life?
To be like Vanna White and actually learn the alphabet.
- How do you know if a blonde’s been using your computer?
You’ll find “Wite Out” all over the screen.
- Why do blondes love boob jobs?
It’s the only job they’re qualified for.
- What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
“I wonder if it’s mine.”
- Why do blondes stare at orange juice containers for hours on end?
Because they say “concentrate.”
- Why did the blonde put her iPad in the blender?
She was trying to make apple juice.
- What do the Bermuda Triangle and a blonde have in common?
They both swallow a lot of seamen.
- How do you drown a blonde?
Put a scratch and sniff sticker at the bottom of the pool.
- Why don’t blondes talk during sex?
Their moms taught them never to speak to strangers.
- Three blondes walk into a building.
You’d think at least one of them would’ve seen it.
- How do you confuse a blonde?
Put her in a circle and tell her to sit in the corner.
- What do screen doors and blondes have in common?
The more you bang them, the looser they get.
- What do you call a blond with an actual brain?
A golden retriever.
- Why did the blonde bring a ladder to the bar?
Someone told her drinks were on the house.
- What’s the difference between a pregnant blonde and a lightbulb?
You can unscrew a lightbulb.
- What do blondes do when their laptop freezes?
- Why did the blonde put condoms on her ears?
To avoid getting hearing AIDS.
- What do blondes and dog shit have in common?
The older they get, the easier it is to pick them up.
- How do you confuse a blonde?
You don’t. They’re born that way.
- Why do blondes make awful bank robbers?
“Because they tie up the safe and blow the guards.”
- Why did the blonde put lipstick on her forehead?
She was desperately trying to make up her mind.
- Why couldn’t the blonde dial 911?
She couldn’t find the eleven.
- Why’d the blonde get fired from the M&M factory?
She kept throwing out all the W’s.
- Why do blondes hold their hands tightly over their ears?
“Because they’re desperately trying to hold in their thoughts.”
- Two blonds are waiting at a bus stop.
When a bus pulls up and opens the door, one of the blonds leans inside and asks the bus driver: “Will this bus take me to 5th Avenue?”
The bus driver shakes his head and says, “No, I’m sorry.”
Hearing this, the other blond leans inside, smiles, and twitters: “Will it take ME?”
- This guy was driving in a car with a blonde. He told her to stick her head out the window and see if the blinker worked.
She stuck her head out and said, ‘Yes, No, Yes, No, Yes…’
- Two blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench talking, and one blonde says to the other, “Which do you think is farther away … Florida or the moon?”
The other blonde turns and says, “Hellooooooo, can you see Florida …?”
- A brunette and a blonde walk in a park one morning.
Suddenly, the brunette notices a dead bird. “Awww, look at the dead birdie,” she says sadly.
The blonde stops, looks up into the sky, and says, “Where? Where?”
- A British Airways employee took a call from a blonde asking the question, “How long is the Concorde flight from London to New York?”
“Um, just a minute, if you please,” he murmured.
Then, as he turned to check the exact flight time, he heard an equally polite, “Thank you,” as the phone went dead.
- A blonde guy and a brunette girl were happily married and about to have a baby. The wife started having contractions one day, so the husband rushed her to the hospital. He held her hand as she went through a trying birth. In the end, there were two baby boys.
The blonde guy turned to his wife and angrily said, “All right, who’s the other father?”
- A blonde guy was sitting in a bar when he spotted a very pretty young woman. He advances towards her when the bartender says to him, “Don’t waste your time on that one. She’s a lesbian.”
The blonde goes over to her anyway and says, “So which part of Lesbia are you from?”
- A cop saw a young blonde woman down on her knees under a streetlight. “Can I help you?” he asked.
Replied the woman, “I dropped my diamond ring and I’m looking for it.”
Asked the cop, “Did you drop it right here?”
“No,” responded the blonde, “I dropped it about a block away, but the light’s better here.”
- A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so she goes out and buys a gun. She goes to his apartment unexpectedly, and sure enough, she opens the door and finds him in the arms of a redhead.
Well, the blonde is angry, she opens her purse to take out the gun, but as she does so, she is overcome with grief. She takes the gun and puts it to her head.
The boyfriend yells, “No, honey, don’t do it.”
The blonde replies, “Shut up, you’re next.”
- Two blonde robbers were robbing a hotel. The first one said, “I hear sirens. Jump!”
The second one said, “But we’re on the 13th floor!”
The first one screamed back, “This is no time to be superstitious.”
Ultimately, it is irrefutable that jokes, humor, comedy, whatever you want to call them, are genuinely wonders of our magnificent planet. They can get you through the darkest of days and still give you something worth fighting for. Consequently, jokes help form fond memories, deepening your connections with others. That proposition, in its entirety, is utterly thrilling.
In the fullness of time, we would understand that these uplifting strings of words are a force to be reckoned with. To this end, I leave you with the sublime words of American author Paul Goodman. “Comedy is something that we can all share, no matter what language we speak or our background, it has the power to unite us all.”