Last Updated on August 9, 2024
CHEMISTRY…the one subject that’s loved and dreaded in equal measure. While some people continue to wallow in the nostalgic memories of their high school Chemistry classes several years later, others find those very experiences incredibly traumatizing.
If you belong in the second category, you’re probably looking for ways to exorcise the ghosts of Chemistry classes and laboratory experiments that continue to haunt you long into your adulthood. Well, you’ve come to the right place.
We’ve scoured the internet for the 70 funniest, corniest, and wittiest Chemistry jokes and puns you’ll find nowhere else. You can share these quotes with your friends as a way of reminiscing on the good (or bad), old days dealing with chemical reagents and equipment.
Witty Chemistry Jokes and Puns
1. A barometer walks into a bar and says to the bartender, “I need a drink, I’m under a lot of pressure.”
2. A lawyer and scientist are having lunch together. The scientist orders H2O, so to look smart the lawyer says “I’ll have H2O too.” When the drinks came they both took a large gulp and the lawyer died.
3. A neutron walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, “How much for a beer?” The bartender gives him a smile and says, “For you, no charge.”
4. A proton and a neutron are walking down the street. The proton says, “Wait, I dropped an electron. Help me look for it.” The neutron says “Are you sure?” The proton replies, “I’m positive.”
5. A significant difference between physics jokes and chemistry jokes is that while physics jokes have more potential, chemistry jokes are periodically funny.
6. A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner. “Oh Bunsen, my flame,” the sodium pined. “I melt whenever I see you,” The Bunsen burner replied, “It’s just a phase you’re going through.”
7. After the fight ensued between the two students on who would win the platinum prize for the chemistry quiz, the quizmaster commented that this was petty. The chemistry teacher corrected him and said, “No, it is Pt.
8. An ice cube was having an identity crisis. When his friend asked what the matter was, he started to cry harder.
9. Believe it or not, alcohols are homogeneous solutions, but it would be better if you don’t mix them up!
10. Carbon and hydrogen went on a date. I heard they really bonded.
11. Carbon is the best friend of many of the other 117 elements. I think it’s due to the fact that carbon bonds very well with everyone!
12. Chemists are often asked to work as disk jockeys in concerts and parties. I think it is because they can drop good bases!
13. Famous last words from chemists: “And now for the taste test…”, “And now let’s shake it a bit…”, “Which glass was my mineral water?”
14. Florence Flask was getting ready for the opera. All of a sudden, she screamed: “Erlenmeyer, my joules! Somebody has stolen my joules!” The husband replied, “Calm down, honey. We’ll find a solution.”
15. Gold is the best element because it’s Au-some.
16. Helium walks into a bar. The bartender says, “We don’t serve your kind here.” Helium doesn’t react.
17. I asked the guy sitting next to me if he had any Sodium Hypobromite… He said NaBrO.
18. I want to write some jokes about the periodic table… But I don’t think I’ll be in my element.
19. If you want to calculate the number of moles in guacamole, then you will have to refer to the Avocado’s number!
20. If you’re not part of the solution—you’re part of the precipitate.
21. Methyl was playing outside so his mom called out the window for him to come home. She was quite surprised, however, when Dimethyl Ether, their neighbor, came instead. Why? Because she called “CH3 – O – CH3!”.
22. My friend bought a special battery for a large sum of money. However, he now has to cell it at a much-reduced price!
23. Now we’re making bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones Argon
24. Online money has recently been discovered to be a not-yet-identified super-heavy element. The proposed name is Un-obtainium.
25. Silver walks up to an element and says “A” “u” give me all your gold. The element looks back at silver and says “A” “g” you can have it.
26. The authorities couldn’t put a shackle on forest fires, because the combustion was a chain reaction.
27. The chem lab professor is just delivered a truckload of supplies. Frustrated, he says “What am I supposed to do with all this NaOH powder and water?” His lab assistant says, “Well sir it’s a basic solution you see.”
28. The chemist was very sad. Although he was good at cooking compounds, unfortunately, he could never taste what he cooked!
29. The interviewer for my chemistry teacher job asked me about my year of birth. I replied I was boron in 1994!
30. The optimist sees the glass half full. The pessimist sees the glass half empty, but how does the chemist see it? Completely full, half with liquid and half with air.
31. Wars are bad and should never take place. In today’s world, if there is a chemical war, everybody is going to sulfur!
32. We can easily differentiate between a chemist and a plumber just by asking them to pronounce ‘unionized’.
33. When hydrogen and oxygen were having a fight, Sodium asked them to work out their differences because they had to be a part of the solution.
34. When you are stuck at a problem, try performing some chemical reactions. They are bond to give you solutions!
35. You think you’re a 10? On the pH scale, maybe — because you’re basic.
Funny Chemistry Questions and Riddles
36. Anyone know any jokes about sodium? Na.
37. Are you full of beryllium, gold, and titanium? Because you are BeAuTi-Full.
38. Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium? It went OK!
39. Did you hear that oxygen proposed to magnesium? OMg!
40. Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium? He just couldn’t put it down.
41. Hey, want to hear a joke about potassium? …K.
42. How often should you tell a chemistry joke? Periodically.
43. Want to hear a joke about nitrogen oxide? NO!
44. What did one acid say to the other? “You’re overreacting.”
45. What did one charged atom say to the other? I got my ion you!
46. What did the cat say after drinking methanol? “MeOH, MeOH.”
47. What did the chemist gift his wife on his wedding anniversary? A ring with a chunk of carbon. Because he thought with time and pressure, it would become a diamond!
48. What did the chemist say when there was an explosion in the lab? “Oxidants happen.”
49. What did the scientist say when he found two isotopes of helium? “HeHe.”
50. What did the thermometer say to the graduated cylinder? “You may have graduated, but I’ve got many degrees.”
51. What do solids, liquids, and gases have in common? They all matter.
52. What do the other elements say about hydrogen? “He’s such a loner!”
53. What do you call a clown in jail? A Silicon!
54. What do you call a tooth in a glass of water? A one molar solution!
55. What do you do with a dead chemist? Barium.
56. What do you say when you run out of chemistry jokes? “I should zinc of new ones.”
57. What emotional disorder does a gas chromatograph suffer from? Separation anxiety.
58. What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car? He was booked for a salt and battery.
59. What happens when spectroscopists are idle? They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.
60. What happens when you lower your body temperature to -273°C? Nothing, you’re perfectly 0K!
61. What kind of weapon can you make out of Potassium, Nickel, and Iron? A KNiFe.
62. What’s a sign of a bad chemistry joke? No reaction.
63. Which element is treated as the god element in organic chemistry? Carbon. It is omnipresent in all organic compounds!
64. Why are atoms not considered trustworthy? They make up everything.
65. Why are chemists great for solving problems? Because they always have a solution!
66. Why did the attacking army use acid? To neutralize the enemy’s base!
67. Why did the white bear dissolve in water? Because it was polar!
68. Why do chemists find it easy to work with ammonia? It’s pretty basic.
69. Why is organic chemistry so hard? The subject has alkynes of trouble.
70. Why should you go drinking with neutrons? Because wherever they go, there’s no charge!
Conclusion
So, there you have it. Whether used regularly or periodically, these Chemistry jokes are sure to get a positive reaction in any situation.
