45 Hilarious Harry Potter Puns and Jokes for Potterheads

Magic wands and Spellbooks. Potions and Divination. Dementors and Goblins.

These are all words extracted from one of the best fantasy series of all time—Harry Potter. Written by the renowned English author J.K Rowling over two decades ago, the seven-book series fantasy has been translated into over 80 languages. It has sold over 500 million copies worldwide, making it the best-selling book series in history.

The ingenious descriptive arc, cleverly crafted and relatable characters, and the fresh breath of imagination are the reasons these books are often used in literature when trying to describe a fantastic novel. Even if you haven’t read all seven books or watched the blockbuster movies, chances are you’d have heard about The Boy Who Lived, which is a phrase used to describe Harry.

With a lightning-shaped scar, unruly hair, thick glasses, and brilliant green eyes, Harry is perhaps one of the most famous fictional characters we all love because of his bravery and sweet deposition. Adding other fantastic characters like the know-it-all Hermione, the mischievous Wesley twins, and of course, the grotesque power-hungry villain, Voldemort, this series is a well-written page-turner worthy of all the admiration it has received.

What particularly makes these books fascinating is the fact that the author, J.K Rowling, got the idea for the stories while she was waiting for a train that was four hours late. The next time you’re impatiently waiting for your local bus to show up, perhaps you too might create a best-seller! Never say never.

Since we know how amazing Harry Potter stories are, we have compiled a fantastic list of jokes you can share with fellow fans.

Before we begin, here’s a fun fact you might have missed. Like most books that have been adapted into movies, there are minor differences between the Harry Potter books and series. One is that Harry has blue eyes in the movies rather than green. This is because the actor who played the role (Daniel Radcliffe) had an intense allergic reaction to contact lenses and couldn’t wear them while he was on set.

Let’s dive right into it. Here are 45 amazing Harry Potter jokes you can “Slytherin-to” any conversation!

1. On a scale of one to ten, how much do you love Hogwarts? Nine and three quarters.
2. What do Azkaban prisoners use to freshen their breath? Dementos!
3. Why doesn’t Voldemort use glasses? No one nose!
4. What does a wizard say when he gets robbed by a muggle? Somebody muggled me!
5. What social media channel does Voldemort use? Instagram because he wants more followers!
6. Why did Snape hate herbology? Because his lily died.
7. What did The Dark Lord envy from Harry? His nose!
8. What would Harry Potter be if he didn’t when to Hogwarts? A python programmer.
9. What is Harry’s favorite mood? Sirius.
10. What program do you use to edit your photos? A Dobby Photoshop.
11. Why did Harry Potter get detention? Because he was cursing during class.
12. You take my breath away! – said Harry to the dementors.
13. Harry: The Dark Lord has risen again! Dumbledore: Are you Sirius? Harry: No, I’m Harry!
14. Why did Neville always sit on two chairs? Because he is a Longbottom.
15. How does Ron enter his room? Through the Gryffindor.
16. Why didn’t Draco become friends with Harry? Because he was running out of breath while saying Harry’s last name.
17. Why do two Quidditch players share the same room? Because they are Broom-mates.
18. Why did Harry sign up for the gym? Because he loved the dumbbell doors.
19. How much does it cost Harry Potter and Ron to go to the match? A quid each!
20. 20.McGonagall is a good teacher, but she can be catty.
21. What do you call multiple potions teachers? Several Snapes!
22. Where can you find Dumbledore’s Army? Up his sleeve-y!
23. Why is Mad-Eye such a bad professor? Because he can’t control his pupils.
24. Why did Luna get Hagrid’s signature? She is a giant fan.
25. Why did Snape throw away so many potions? They were past their hex-piration date!
26. Which Hogwarts teacher gets the blame? Professor Snape-Goat.
27. What type of shoes does Voldemort wear? Horcrocs!
28. Why does Voldemort love Nagini so much? Because she gives him hugs and hisses.
29. Why doesn’t Voldemort have glasses? Nobody nose.
30. What do you call an electrocuted Dark Lord? A Volt-demort.
31. Why does Voldemort prefer Twitter over Facebook? Because he has followers, not friends.
32. How do Malfoys enter a building? “They Slytherin.”
33. Why do Azakaban inmates have fresh breath? Because of de-mentoes.
34. Why do you never see dementors in Starbucks? They can’t stand espresso patronum!
35. Why did Barty Crouch stop drinking Butterbeer? It made him Moody.
36. Why was Voldemort trying to listen to the Order of Phoenix meetings? He was nosy!
37. What kind of laugh does Newt Scamander make? A bowchuckle.
38. I’m trying to write a book about Platform 9 and 3/4. But I keep hitting a wall.
39. What do you call a postman that can speak to packages? A parcel tongue.
40. Which Harry Potter book is the darkest? Order of the Phoenix because that’s when it gets dead Sirius.
41. I’ve started a wizard-themed food blog. Fantastic Feasts and Where to Find Them.
42. If a wizard gets robbed by a Muggle, has he been Muggled?
43. What do you call a coughing quidditch commentator? A Weasley!
44. Where would Bellatrix play if she played the saxophone? Jazzkaban.
45. Why was Ron shown the Dumbledore? He kept making terrible Potterpuns.

So, there you go! Make sure you share these puns as often as you can at any party. You never know when you could meet a fellow Potterhead; so, do your best to keep these handy.