Last Updated on September 2, 2024
Dating has never been more difficult. Nowadays, when we step into the restaurant, we enter as one person and leave as another — that’s the person we really are, stripped of the glossy persona of our online selves.
In the digital world, we’ve become accustomed to showing off only the parts of us that we’re proud of, and curating how we want to be perceived. In the flesh however, there’s no hiding behind a filter or the perfect flirty message that took four hours and two group chats to come up with. But losing this guard isn’t a bad thing. The real world is where you really get to know a person, and that’s the very reason we date!
Though it seems scary, there are things you can do to carry over the professional charmer that you’ve invented online into the real world. Here are five easy ways to do just that.
Master the menu
If you’re the type to be indecisive, an overthinker, or a bit nervous (in other words, everything you should be on a first date), then planning ahead will get you far. Having a quick look at the menu before going out can be a real asset, giving you the opportunity to flex some wining and dining skills to your new beau.
As the connoisseurs among you may be aware, etiquette dictates that certain drinks should be paired with particular meals. You might have previously been recommended white wine with fish, or a bold red with beef — but let’s take it one step further. Tools like Pasta Evangelist’s wine pairing wheel can recommend the best booze for your food — advising on the ideal colour and even grape that you should look for.
Right off the bat, you can use some newfound know-how to suggest a good wine for your and your date’s meals. This tactic is sure to impress, break the ice, and keep you both happily refreshed.
Hang up the phone
Our phones are good at keeping us connected, but can also stop connection dead in its tracks. If you’ve gone out to get to know somebody, you should be giving them your undivided attention. This means no phones at the dinner table, no text updates to friends, and yes, ideally, no Instagram stories of your food.
It’s also important that whatever research you’ve done prior to the night doesn’t massively sway the conversation. Your date might not directly ask whether you spent a night scrolling back through 700 of their Facebook posts, but if all you’re asking about is their family holiday from 2013, you’ve probably given yourself away.
Keep the influence of online to a minimum — the best way to get to know somebody in two short hours is to come in knowing not much at all.
Stop, look, listen
If it all goes to plan (because you’ve followed this guide), you’ll have plenty of opportunities to ignore each other over dinner further down the road, when happily loved up. But for now, all eyes should be on your date — and eye contact is a simple way to communicate that you’re paying attention.
This way, you can be attentive and try to remember the little details to show that you care. Studies have found that an act as simple as meeting somebody’s eyes when speaking makes you more memorable and deepens attraction.
Listening and asking thoughtful questions are also essential. In the age of the short attention span, it’ll be attractive to your date if you don’t talk constantly about yourself, and take an interest in learning about them. It’s not an interrogation, but just extending the same engagement that you showed when you first slid into their DMs can do wonders for conversation.
Keep it real
Now that you’re face to face, you can’t pre-prepare anymore. There’s no use in lying that you’ve seen every obscure arthouse film, and it’s okay that you’ve just not heard of that particular band before. Being transparent in what you like and believe in is essential — even if lying your way into a second date has worked in the past.
Relationship modeling research suggests that similarity of attitudes and values are crucial to success, coming to importance at around two to three months into seeing someone new. This means that if you fake it to make it, this hurdle might be the one to trip you up when your date realizes that you’re not actually all that alike. Ultimately, you want to impress that special someone with the character that you do have to offer, not the new one you’ve made up on the spot.
Pay in politeness
All the usual dinner courtesies apply when you’re on a first date, plus a couple more. Naturally, you should plan where you’re going, arrive on time, and be friendly to your server. But what’s more, you’re not out with friends who have known you for years, so some additional considerations are due.
Firstly, you should bear in mind that nobody wants to be picking up a drunk date off the floor, so watch that perfectly paired wine. Though a drink can settle the nerves, you want to avoid becoming a ‘worst date ever’ anecdote, spoken about for years to come. Even if the nerves keep coming, the bottles don’t have to — don’t overdo it!
Now that we’ve dropped that controversial bombshell, here comes the next: you should offer to pay. Gender roles aside, ‘who asked who’ out the window, you should always be ready to pay your way. If you’re the type to cover for your date too, then offer — but don’t insist. If they’re adamant that they want to split the bill, don’t argue, as that could get just as awkward.
