Last Updated on March 2, 2024
For as long as I can remember, humankind has always had this fear of rejection. Be it a job interview, a relationship, or a business proposition, the truth is that no one likes rejection.
The thing is that when we lay out ourselves bare, put in our hard work, grit, effort, and energy into something, we always want to see it go smoothly. Sadly, in this journey of life, that is not always the case.
One school of thought opines that the only way to conquer your fear of rejection is to lower your expectations constantly. This perspective implies expecting the very worst out of people, organizations, and governments. As regards never getting shocked by the outcome of things, this approach certainly works.
However, there is a downside. Let’s say that I’m applying for a job. If I go into the interview with the mindset that it wouldn’t go well, subconsciously, I’m preparing to fail that interview. This mentality is utterly disastrous as you don’t even allow yourself to succeed. In simple terms, this school of thought embraces the idea of giving up before the ball gets rolling. As such, I’m afraid I have to disagree with it to the fullest.
What then is our alternative? You see, as individuals, we must come to terms with the reality of life. Failure, disappointment, and rejection are all possibilities. This doesn’t mean they mark the end of the road. As is often said, “rejection is redirection.” I believe that we owe it to ourselves to live a life of no regrets. What do I mean? Remove the idea of rejection from your mind. Think of it this way. If you put your best efforts into something and it doesn’t go your way, then it isn’t for you. Rather than bask in the rubble of rejection, why not direct time to restructuring your approach to the problem?
Ultimately, you cannot let the fear of rejection stop you from exploring the possibilities of the journey of life. At this point, you might be wondering the point of this discussion on rejection. You see, today’s article tackles one of the most controversial relationship topics of all time: how to tell someone you like them. As we all know, this process comes with its fair share of rejection and ruined friendships. Luckily, we have provided a step-by-step guide on how you can go about it the proper way.
Without further ado, let us begin!
Should You Make a Big Deal Out of It?
Absolutely not! You’re not proposing to the person. You are only admitting your feelings to the person. As such, there is no reason to freak out. In the best case, you’d get a date out of it. However, if it doesn’t go your way, you can continue your friendship while pursuing other romantic interests.
You need to understand that not everyone you like will feel the same way. That is perfectly fine. As such, there is no need to make a big deal out of it. It either works out, or it doesn’t. What matters is the relief you’d feel after getting it off your chest. There’s no need to build up a perfect scenario in your head. That will only deepen your anxiety about the whole situation.
In-Person or Through Text?
Telling the person in person or through text messages are both viable options due to their various advantages.
If you’re quite timid, and the thought of having to do it in person is utterly mind-wrecking, a text might be the way for you to confess your feelings. An advantage of this approach is that the person doesn’t feel pressured to answer immediately. The individual has time to think it over, and most times, this is a good thing.
On the other hand, if you have the courage and would like a response as soon as possible, telling the person face-to-face is a viable route. When it comes to matters of the heart, it’s always better to do it in person to read the person’s body language and reaction to what you have to say. Additionally, most people respect the courage it takes to walk up to someone and tell them your feelings. As such, this might increase your chances of receiving a positive response.
Choose Your Moment
If you decide to tell them in person, try and do it at a moment when it’s just both of you. A diner or park is a suitable location. You don’t want to do it when they’re with their friends because that will only add more pressure.
Alternatively, if you choose to do it over text, ask the person how they are doing first to ensure they aren’t stressed. What you want to do is to tell the person at a time when they’re free and in a good mood. Then you can casually present the question as the conversation progresses.
Admit Your Feelings as Soon as You Can
You might have been crushing on this person for quite a while already. Whether it’s a new thing or not, do yourself a favor and rip the band-aid quickly.
Admitting your feelings on time means that if they reciprocate it, you can grow in your relationship together at a similar pace. If they do not reciprocate it, then you can nip your feelings in the bud before they spiral out of control. It is a win-win situation.
Besides, you wouldn’t want to waste so much time that your crush eventually starts dating someone else. Trust me; you’d be doing yourself a great disservice by dawdling away your time.
Your Self Worth is Not Dependent on Anyone
As humans, we tend to be more critical of ourselves than we are of others. Due to this, when things don’t go smoothly, we tend to blame ourselves.
What I’m saying is that you should cut yourself some slack. Your happiness and self-worth shouldn’t be dependent on whether someone reciprocates your feelings for them. If it does, you shouldn’t be looking for a relationship in the first place.
Suppose it works out, good. If it doesn’t, you could always find someone else.
Start with A Date
If the commitment of telling someone you have feelings for them proves too much for you, it is always a safe option to start with a date. This avenue allows you to get to know the person better.
In addition, this would foster a connection between both of you until it becomes easy to let your feelings be known to the person. Most people would be scared if someone dropped a truckload of feelings on their table. However, if you start things off with a simple date, things will progress naturally. There are many brilliant first-date ideas. From a simple walk in the park to a casual movie or dinner date, the possibilities are endless.
Besides, if the person doesn’t even want to go on a date, then you’d easily know they don’t share the same feelings you do. A bullet dodged if you ask me.
Make Things Clear
If you’re certain of your feelings for them, it would be best if you made your feelings crystal clear. Please don’t give them the impression that you’re asking them out on a friendship date. You wouldn’t want them to accept your offer under the wrong impression.
If they misread your intentions, it would get awkward and confusing when they realize that both of you aren’t on the same page. Ultimately, it would be wise to keep things simple and let your intentions be clear.
Impose a Deadline for Yourself
If you find that you keep postponing your declaration of feelings, and you keep making up excuses, setting a deadline for yourself might be the push you need.
Be honest with yourself. The perfect moment to ask someone out doesn’t exist. You have to pick a moment that seems right with you and stick for it. Be it the weekend or before your next birthday, the important thing is that you pick a moment and go for it.
Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder
If the person has agreed to the date, you should allow them some room to process what has happened. It would be best if you allowed them to miss you and look forward to your presence.
It’s fine to text them to iron out details of your date beforehand, give them time to process the feelings you’ve revealed to them, and get excited about the date.
Ultimately, it is irrefutable that garnering the confidence to express feelings for someone teaches us to conquer our fear of rejection. As is often the case, a life without fear is one full of everlasting possibilities. That proposition, in its entirety, is utterly glorious. To this end, I leave you with the sublime words of Kevin Feige. “Rejection is a common occurrence. Learning that early and often will help you build up the tolerance and resistance to keep going and keep trying.”