Last Updated on April 24, 2023
“If you’re not first, you’re last!” sound familiar? If so, then you my friend, know exactly who the legendary Ricky Bobby is. If not, then you are in for a treat! Ricky Bobby is a character played by Will Ferrell in the 2006 comedy hit Talladega Nights, and for years, he has been quoted by fans all across the globe for his utterly hilarious dialogue.
Here is what a fan wiki has to say about his greatness:
“Ricky Bobby, born July 16, 1971, is an American Hero who likes to go fast. Who can argue with that? Liberals try to, but fail because they are terrorists and are thwarted by George W. Bush.
Ricky prays to The Baby Jesus, something everyone should do. Liberals hate Ricky because he prays, and they are godless Communists. They also hate Ricky because he is a winner, and Liberals automatically hate someone who wins all the time, which is also why they hate George W. Bush and Stephen Colbert, who are also winners. Ricky is nicknamed “El Diablo”, which is Spanish for, like, a fighting chicken.”
I mean, what’s not to love about that right? Anyway, if that kind of humour is your thing, then by all means continue reading, because you are going to find these 50 Ricky Bobby quotes absolutely hilarious!
1. “May God be with you, Monsieur Bobby. Because although today I am friendly. Tomorrow will be war!” – Jean Girard
2. “NO! I will battle you with the entirety of my heart and you will probably lose. But maybe, just maybe. You might challenge me. The Beatles needed the Rolling Stones. Even Diane Sawyer needed Katie Couric. Will you be my Katie Couric?” – Jean Girard
3. “But before I can do that I must be beaten by a driver who is truly better than me.” – Jean Girard
4. “Get back, I’ll windmill ya.” – Ricky Bobby
5. “Holy moly, that’s like lookin’ up Yasmine Bleeth’s skirt!” – Ricky Bobby
6. “Oh hey, I’m Ricky Bobby.” – Ricky Bobby
7. “Holding hands with a man makes me terribly uncomfortable.” – Ricky Bobby
8. “I’m embarrassed. I really thought I could feel it.” – Ricky Bobby
9. “I’d love to sign your baby!” – Ricky Bobby
10. “Where are you, Pepé Le Bitch?” – Ricky Bobby
11. “Please be 18.” – Ricky Bobby
12. “Why the hell am I even talking to you anyway?” – Ricky Bobby
13. “Cal, that’s a real nice sentiment. That’s about one of the nicest things you ever said.” – Ricky Bobby
14. “I get emotional. You guys are workin’ so hard, and I’m just so proud of you. You remind me of me, precocious and full of wonderment.” – Ricky Bobby
15. “Hey! It’s me, America!” – Ricky Bobby
16. “Man, what the hell are you talking about?” – Ricky Bobby
17. “Susan you gotta watch it when I get into autograph mode!” – Ricky Bobby
18. “Health care systems, giant water parks. The same reason anyone comes to America.” – Ricky Bobby
19. “I came here to tell you one thing: come race time tomorrow, I’m coming for you.” – Ricky Bobby
20. “ANARCHY! ANARCHY!” – Walker
21. “Granny? How much longer are we gonna have to do this?” – Walker
22. “My friends and I skipped school and we filled up a cup of pee and tried to get our neighbor’s dog to drink it. But he wouldn’t.” – Walker
23. “Old man, I’m gonna come at you like a spider monkey!” – Texas Ranger
24. “I don’t know what that means, but I LOVE it!” – Texas Ranger
25. “Aw, Grandma, not my prison shank!” – Texas Ranger
26. “Shut those mutts up before I cook ’em and eat ’em!” – Texas Ranger
27. “Hey there, Popeye!” – Texas Ranger
28. “You look old, Granny are you gonna die today?” – Texas Ranger
29. “I don’t know. How many more times are you gonna toss me the radio while I’m in the bathtub?” – Lucy Bobby
30. “I don’t care! I’m having a baby!” – Lucy Bobby
31. “Guess how fast we’re going now!” – Reese Bobby
32. “Hundred and five miles an hour! Can you believe that!” – Reese Bobby
33. “See you when you’re grown up.” – Reese Bobby
34. “Now, there’s nothing like driving to avoid jail. Nothing hones your mind and your instincts like necessity. So I taped a kilo of cocaine underneath the car and called the boys in blue. Now, the way I figure it, you got about two minutes before they show up and you do 5 to 10. So, what’s it going to be? Fear or prison?” – Reese Bobby
35. “Real simple, son… cops are coming, there’s a kilo of Colombian bam-bam under the car. Time to be a man. You got hair on your peaches or what?” – Reese Bobby
36. “Ricky, I think your house is haunted.” – Cal Naughton, Jr.
37. “Abracadabra, homes.” – Cal Naughton, Jr.
38. “I tell you what, Ricky, you are truly blessed. These two are two in a million, just like Carley’s ta-tas. You won’t find another rack like that, I guarantee it.” – Cal Naughton, Jr.
39. “When you have the stereo on, at the same time as the TV, how do you control the volume on the TV?” – Cal Naughton, Jr.
40. “Please don’t let the invisible fire burn my friend!” – Cal Naughton, Jr.
41. “Remember that time in tenth grade when we got kicked out of class for playing with Matchbox cars? Who’s the retard now?” – Cal Naughton, Jr.
42. “Like the frightened baby chipmunk, you are scared by anything that is different.” – Jean Girard
43. “My husband Gregory and I want what any couple wants: to retire to Stockholm and develop a currency for dogs and cats to use.” – Jean Girard
44. “It’s a sign of friendship in many countries.” – Jean Girard
45. “There is nothing sexual about it. Please don’t be worried about the fact that I have an erection. It has nothing to do with you.” – Jean Girard
46. “Ricky… I watched the Highlander movie. It was shit!” – Jean Girard
47. “Soon you will know what it is like to be defeated by the hands of somebody who is truly better than you. As William Blake wrote, “The cut worm forgives the plow”.” – Jean Girard
48. “Well let me just quote the late-great Colonel Sanders, who said”…” I’m too drunk to taste this chicken.” – Ricky Bobby
49. “I wanna go fast!” – Ricky Bobby
50. “Cal, that is a new house! It just has a lot of creaks and moans and groans in it!” – Ricky Bobby
