Last Updated on September 2, 2024
Experts agree that having sex is not a synonym for making love. You might be forgiven for feeling a little confused. After all, are both not essentially the same physical act? You are not wrong!
But what sets sex and lovemaking apart is your level of emotional involvement – and then some.
1. Check Your Feelings
Having sex without deep feelings is not necessarily a bad thing. It might be a mutual agreement between new partners who just want to enjoy themselves without becoming emotionally involved. But when you sleep with someone and the goal is purely hinged on physical attraction and enjoyment, then you are definitely having sex.
Lovemaking happens when the physical act also becomes a way to emotionally bond with someone you care for or deeply love. You share feelings with a partner – not just skin. Happy couples show their vulnerability to each other, trade their trust and experience a sense of growing ever closer.
2. What Type of Relationship is This?
The relationship between lovers can also determine whether their intimacy is pure sex or lovemaking.
In other words, a one-night stand is mostly just sex. Even new couples who start dating because they are mainly attracted to each other (on a physical level) start out by having sex. But some of them will grow to love their partner and move on to lovemaking. Indeed, lovemaking is a trademark of a healthy, long-term relationship.
3. Is Your Partner the Only One?
Open relationships tend to focus more on sex. It’s easier to sleep with multiple partners when there is little to no real deep emotions involved. But if you are happily committed to one partner and you have a closed relationship, then time spent in the bedroom counts as lovemaking.
4. Are You on the Same Page?
Exclusivity and long-term relationships are not always the ingredients that produce “lovemaking” in the bedroom. Lovers need to be on the same page.
If the physical intimacy is rather one-sided, then so is the sex. One partner might not feel any love for his or her partner and just partake because of pressure or lust. Couples who are not on the same page emotionally – even if they have been together for years – are in danger of just having sex.
Couples who are evenly matched – when it comes to their desires, emotions, and needs – are more likely to make love.
5. Do You Feel Emotionally or Sexually Fulfilled?
After sleeping with someone, how do you feel? If empty, then it might have been just sex. But sex can be fantastic. If you feel fulfilled afterwards, happy and satisfied, but you have no desire to connect with them at a deeper level, then you had sex. Ditto if you had fun and just view the encounter as a “great time.”
Lovemaking brings a different brand of fulfilment. You might feel as if you really shared yourself and your vulnerability without shame. You feel more secure and loved. You want to spend more time with your partner and get to know them better. In short, lovemaking opens up more emotional fulfilment than sex.
6. The Magic Words – I Love You
Saying the words “I love you” can be meaningful or empty. If you use the phrase just to charm your partners and get some action, then your mind is focused on sex. But if you speak the words during physical intimacy – and you mean it – then you are making love!
7. What Are You Sharing?
By now, you probably have a good idea where this is going! Let’s say that you are sharing a good time that involves excitement, attraction, and fun. If that’s all, then sex might be on the cards. But if you also feel that you are also sharing your tender side, your vulnerability and emotions – anything more than your body – then you are making love.
8. What is the Urge?
Having sex will only satisfy certain urges. The latter can include the craving for sexual pleasure and novelty. Making love can also satisfy those urges but it offers additional satisfaction on other levels. These include emotional and mental urges.
9. Whose Needs Are Being Satisfied?
Sex can be rather one-sided, especially if the relationship is a short affair. A one-night stand is almost certainly going to centre around satisfying your own needs. That being said, a considerate lover can also care about satisfying their partner’s need – even if they will go their separate ways the next morning.
Similarly, if a long-term couple is not in love and they only care about their own sexual needs, it counts as sex. But lovemaking occurs when both partners care about each other’s needs as well as their own. This is one of the main reasons why lovemaking can foster a deeper bond between couples; it shows care on a level that is both sweet and pleasurable.
10. Speed Can Count
When it comes to telling the difference between sex and lovemaking, the pace is not a hard and fast rule. But it can be a thing. Indeed, when you are filled with the excitement and hot passion of sex, then your pace naturally picks up. However, when the lovemaking is sweet, caring, and tender, then the pace tends to be a lot slower.
