Last Updated on March 4, 2024
The first time you realized the world wasn’t a fair place was probably in elementary school when you got your crush her favorite candy. But then, later that school year, you overheard her telling her friends you were not her type.
That must have stung. The fact is, sometimes, no amount of gifts or affection could make someone reciprocate your love for them. As a result, everyone, at some point, experiences the unbearable pain associated with rejection.
While rejection is a general phenomenon to humans, the way it is handled by people largely varies. Some people, for instance, have a fear of rejection, which is trauma built from being neglected by loved ones since they were young. Rejection for such individuals is like tearing open a healing wound and can trigger a series of extreme psychological responses.
There’s also a tendency for men to handle rejection worse than women. This is because they absorb subliminal messages from society which teaches them that if they’re unable to woo women into falling for them, they’re less than.
Regardless of who you are and how well or not so well you handle rejection, being able to identify signs of lack of interest from your crush saves you a ton of stress. Besides, unrequited love hurts a lot less when it’s you who has decided to pull the plug and leave her alone.
The following are ten well thought out signs to look out for to know whether or not your crush reciprocates your love for her:
Bad Texting
In this day and age, relationships need good online rapport to thrive. To begin with, most people who have phones (millennials and gen-z) are usually in proximity to it, so when someone is taking hours to respond or leaving you on “read,” it’s not unintentional. It’s a choice, and they’re subtly telling you to back off. Of course, you may bring it up to the person to see if they’ll adjust for you. If they start replying, but it’s one-word answers, or your conversations seem forced, the person is uninterested. Do yourself a favor and take your love elsewhere.
Excuses
Relationships are very delicate in the beginning, and giving excuses is not the way to go. If your crush is always indecisive when you ask to hang out, then she’s probably uninterested in spending time with you to get to know you more. Even worse is when she leads you to believe she’ll show up, then calls to give some flimsy excuse about something coming up. If this has happened more than twice, it’s no mistake. Walk away from that person and the entire situation.
Friend Zoning
Friend zoning is a common thing girls (and guys) do when they like you as a person, but they’re not sexually attracted to you. Sometimes girls use it as a way to make their rejection less obvious. It involves recurrent random friendship reminders. She’ll say things like ‘Oh, I love you like a brother, “You’re an amazing friend,” or she seizes every opportunity to call you her bestie. If she makes such remarks frequently, you’ll have to decide if you can stay being friends with your crush. If you can’t, just walk away.
Avoids Physical Contact
One-sided hugs, curving kisses, wriggling out of your hold are all apparent signs your crush doesn’t want you touching her. When a girl does this, the guy often thinks she’s playing hard to get. As a result, he makes even more physical advances in hopes that she’ll budge and become receptive at some point. If you’re ever confused about your crush’s reaction to your touch, ask her questions. If she says she’s indeed uncomfortable, it probably means she’s not sexually attracted to you. Discontinue such advances and maybe even give up trying to get her since she’s not into you.
Doesn’t Care to Initiate anything
It’s funny how people haven’t hacked this one because this scenario is repeated all too often. You’ve been trying to get this girl’s attention, and she’s finally noticed you. You become friends and are on what they call the talking stage in relationships.
But then you realize you’re the only one who sends those sweet good morning texts. You initiate deep conversations and ask to hang out. Just you. Something’s certainly not correct. Let your crush know that you’d like her to reach out more, so the relationship doesn’t seem one-sided. If things don’t change, then sorry, man, she’s not into you.
Talks About Other Men
Imagine asking to hang out with your crush, and she agrees, “yesssss!” but then you spend the whole date talking about other guys she’s crushing on. That would be crushing (pun intended). Whether it’s her exes or men she currently admires, it’s a huge red flag because she knows you’re into her, and she’s subtly saying, “no sir, not you.” To avoid aggravated pain from rejection, take that as your cue to find someone else.
Lying
First of all, lying should be canceled in any relationship, whether romantic, professional, or plain friendships. It’s even more critical in a relationship that’s in its budding stages. How can you possibly build a relationship with someone who doesn’t respect you enough to tell you the truth?
For instance, you ask your crush what she likes to do for fun, so you’ll have some ideas for when you spend time together. But her responses are ‘nothing’ or ‘I just lay in bed all day, yet her Instagram and Snapchat stories tell a different story. She’s not into you! She likes to go bungee jumping for fun but not with you. That’s the message she’s trying to pass on. Come to terms with that and just move on.
She Hasn’t Introduced You?
This point is specifically for people who have strong family and friend ties. She constantly mentions how tremendous and supportive her friend circle is, which means they must be vital. Yet, she has never asked if you’d like to meet them. Something’s must be wrong.
She might be unsure about what the both of you have, or she doesn’t consider it important enough to bring you up to the people in her life. Confront her about it, you’ll most likely find out that she’s genuinely not interested in pursuing anything serious with you, and that’s okay. Let her be and find someone ready to take you as seriously as you take them.
Two-Faced
This should be a no-no, even in friendships, in my opinion. A girl is all nice and angelic towards you in private and laughs at all your jokes. But when eyes are peering, she’s stone-cold, doesn’t want you touching her, and treats you like a stranger; you’d have to re-evaluate whether or not you want to continue anything with this person.
Even when the situation is flipped, she acts all lovey-dovey towards you in public but treats you differently in private. You best believe she has an agenda and doesn’t care about you or your feelings for her.
Avoidance
Pro tip: girls are very intentional about the things they do. If you walk into a room and a girl somehow starts to gravitate towards you, it’s no coincidence. She wants to be close to you. If the opposite happens, where she leaves the room once you come in, that’s also not a coincidence. She doesn’t want to be in the same vicinity as you.
What she wants is to be as far away from you as possible so that she doesn’t have to make conversation or even exchange pleasantries. If a girl resorts to avoiding you this way, it’s usually indicative of the fact that your wooing is choking her. It’s also indicative of the fact that she’s not into you. Leave her alone!
In the end, rejection is not as big of a deal as people make it seem. You’re not going to get hired on every job you apply for. You’re not going to be accepted into every circle, no matter how much you try to fit in. You’re not going to get every girl you woo to fall head over heels for you, and that’s okay.
We fail to realize that when people reject us, it usually has more to do with them than us. Maybe they’re currently in a relationship. Perhaps they’ve just been through heartbreak and need some time out to regroup. These are things that are out of your control, no matter how good your wooing game is.
It’s also helpful to see rejection as redirection. If your crush doesn’t appreciate your advances towards her, maybe it’s because she’s not the one for you. The best thing for you to do is let her go and keep an open mind that you and your person would cross paths.
While you wait for this to happen, salvage your single days by going all out with self-improvement, financial upgrade, and any other aspects of your life that better prepare you for the next relationship.