Last Updated on August 9, 2024
Come on… don’t lie to yourself; you could be the most stoic person in the world and still find Step Brothers hilarious because, let’s face it, any time that Will Ferrell and John C. Reilly get together, it’s going to be funny as hell!
Released in 2008, Step Brothers is a comedy about two men in their 40’s who live with their parents. These parents (played by Richard Jenkins and Mary Steenburgen) would quickly get married, and then suddenly Brennan Huff and Dale Doback find themselves as step-brothers. The movie tracks their (not so adventurous) journey into independence, with their dad telling them that they need to find a job at their age. The film itself is hilarious, and both Will and John provide viewers with a range of legendary quotes that have gone on to be remembered and have been put into memes and included in other programs that both men have starred in.
In light of this, and just for your viewing pleasure, we have compiled a list of over 40 hilarious quotes from the Step Brothers movie that we are positive will crack you up and bring you back down memory lane! There may not be any Step Brothers 2 (yet), but don’t write it off because we are sure that both of these comedic geniuses are never too far away from our screens at any given time!
Step Brothers Quotes By Brennan
1. “You keep your liver-spotted hands off my beautiful mother! She’s a saint!”
2. “When you fall asleep, I’m gonna punch you square in the face.”
3. “Robert better not get in my face ’cause I’ll drop that motherfucker!”
4. “Maybe someday we could become friends. Friends who ride majestic, translucent steeds, shooting flaming arrows across the bridge of Hemdale.”
5. “I’ve been called the songbird of my generation.”
6. “Last week, I put liquid paper on a bee… and it died.”
7. “I’m not gonna call him dad, not even if there’s a fire.”
8. “I still hate you, but you have a pretty good collection of nudie magazines.”
9. “What poem is that from? Is that James Joyce?”
10. “I’m gonna fill a pillowcase full of bars of soap and beat the shit out of you!”
11. “My mom is being eaten by a dog and there’s nothing I can do!”
Step Brothers Quotes By Dale
1. “That’s so funny; the last time I heard that, I laughed so hard I fell off my dinosaur.”
2. “One time I wrestled a giraffe to the ground with my bare hands.”
3. “Brennan, that is the voice of an angel. I can’t even make eye contact with you right now. Your voice is like a combination of Fergie and Jesus.”
4. “I’m fucking miserable. I had to get up at 10 o’clock this morning.”
5. “Dad, what are you going? It’s ‘Shark Week’!”
6. “I know that you are technically married now, but that does not mean that they have to live here.”
7. “You should have never let us make bunk beds! It was a terrible idea! There’s blood everywhere! Dad, Nancy, it’s so bad. There’s blood everywhere. Those bunk beds were a terrible idea. Why’d you let us do that? It’s so bad!”
8. “You and your mom are hillbillies. This is a house of learned doctors.”
9. “Oprah, Barbara Walters, your wife. You gotta fuck one, marry one, kill one. Go!”
10. “Dad, I’m doing this because I love you. Fuck you.”
11. “Get your shit, we’re going to my room.”
12. “Dad, we’re men, OK? That means a few things. We like to shit with the door open. We talk about pussy. We go on riverboat-gambling trips. We make our own beef jerky. That’s what we do. And now that is all wrecked.”
13. “This is going to sound weird but, for a second, I think you took on the shape of a unicorn.”
Step Brothers Quotes About the Drum Set
1. Brennan: “I teabagged your drum set!”
2. Dale: “Why are you so sweaty?”
Brennan: “I was watching Cops.”
3. Dale: “Did you rub your balls on my drums?”
Brennan: “No, I was watching Cops.”
Dale: “I know for a fact that Cops doesn’t come on till four.”
4. “I am warning you: If you touch my drums, I will stab you in the neck with a knife.” — Dale
5. Brennan: “Look, I didn’t touch your drum set, OK?”
Dale: “I witnessed with my eyes your testicles touching my drum set.”
Other Funny Step Brothers Quotes
1. Manager: (after Dale lets out a prolonged fart) “Was that a fart?”
Dale: “I don’t know.”
Manager: “I can taste it. On my tongue.”
Dale: “OK, I’ll be honest with you. I did fart.”
Manager: “Is that onion? Onion… and onion and ketchup. It stinks. And this is a small room.”
2. Dale: “I’m Dale, but you have to call me Dragon.”
Brennan: “You have to call me Nighthawk.”
3. Brennan: “Do you wanna go do karate in the garage?”
Dale: “Yup.”
4. “Today I saw my own son use a bicycle as a weapon.” — Nancy
5. “When I was a kid, I wanted to be a Tyrannosaurus rex more than anything in the world. I made my arms short, and I roamed the backyard. I chased the neighborhood cats; I growled, and I roared. Everybody knew me and was afraid of me. And one day, my dad said, ‘Bobby, you’re 17. It’s time to throw childish things aside,’ and I said, ‘OK, Pop.’ But he didn’t really say that. He said, ‘Stop being a fucking dinosaur and get a job.’”
6. Dr. Doback: “Is this your purse in the freezer?”
Nancy: “Yes… it’s Brennan… he sleepwalks.”
Dr. Doback: “Are you serious? Dale sleepwalks, too. Check the oven.”
Nancy: (checks oven) “Couch pillows.”
7. Brennan: “Well, Pan…”
Pam: “No, it’s Pam.”
Brennan: “Are you saying, Pan or Pam?”
Pam: “My name is Pam.”
Brennan: “Pand, there’s a D on the end.”
Pam: “No, there’s no D.”
8. Dale: “Can we turn our beds into bunk beds?”
Brennan: “It will give us so much extra space in our room to do activities!”
9. “OK, on the count of three, name your favorite dinosaur. Don’t even think about it; just do it. One, two, three.” — Dale
10. “I want to roll you into a little ball and shove you up my vagina.” — Alice
11. Nancy: “Guys. Guys. Guys!”
(both guys wake up and quote the last line from their dreams)
Brennan: “I’ll kill you, Leonard Nimoy.”
Dale: “The clown has no penis.”
Nancy: “What kind of dreams are you guys having?”
11. “Yeah, I got ’em from the ’70s, ’80s, and ’90s. It’s like masturbating in a time machine.” — Dale
12. Brennan: “Hey Derek, you know what’s good for shoulder pain?”
Derek: “What?”
Brennan: “If you lick my butthole.”
13. “Suppose Nancy sees me coming out of the shower and decides to come on to me. I’m looking good, got a luscious V of hair going through my chest pubes down to my ball fro. She takes one look at me and goes, ‘Oh, my God, I’ve had the old bull, now I want the young calf,’ and she grabs me by the wiener.” — Dale
14. Nancy: “You don’t know anyone named Johnny Hopkins.”
Brennan: “It was Johnny Hopkins and Sloan Kettering. And they were blazin’ that shit up every day.”
15. Dale: “Brennan, you’re alive! Oh, my God!”
Brennan: “I know. I’m alive.”
Dale: “You were dead. I saw you die.”
Brennan: “I was faking. I used ninja focus to slow my heart rate down.”
